The Balance: How Much Is Too Much?

images (2)

 Let’s talk about that interesting game of love. Some of us fair on the side of doting on our man and fulfilling his every need, others are as tough as beef jerky and demand everything!  I’m not here to point out dos and don’ts, but rather offer my opinion on the best middle ground.  I call love a game because a whole lot of people are out there playing…literally!

First plan of action, make sure that you are not a pawn; dive into love with purpose. Let your purpose be firm and unwavering in your spirit, many times our instinctual desires are not too much to ask.  Our plans go sour when we give them all up and devote our whole agenda to a complete opposite! (That is a completely different post.)

You may be saying “Big Sis, what balance? If he pisses me off, I’m poppin’ off!” Other sisters may be saying, “Give in? I do ALL I do for love.” I recognize both of these ideas as necessary and a part of a healthy relationship. I just charge us all to consider the following:

1. Love with your heart AND your head.  Do for the one you love to your heart’s desire, but take inventory at the end of the day and make SURE that the same is done for you in a heartbeat.  Does he comfort you when you cry?  Does he acknowledge when you come in and say goodbye?  Are his intentions deep enough to take you around his family and friends?  Is he kind and interested around your friends and kin?  Try not to give and give more until you are emptied out, what you put out should be replenished before you run out!  Many would not dream a relationship would lack these things, but women forego them all the time to maintain what they have.

If your final analysis finds you out in the cold, do yourself a favor: address it, call for action, look for reciprocation, and if it is still MIA remove yourself to find what you need! (Someone who means well by you is willing to make lifestyle changes for you).

2. Choose your battles wisely.  I agree with standing up for what you believe in, but let us strive to generate a discussion not a shouting match.  Please understand there is a difference.  Discussions usually volley back and forth and are even toned with SOME passionate moments.  A shouting match is a fight without the swinging!  These matches hardly ever lack berating, and most of the points on both sides are lost in the high volume!  Of course, sometimes people have to decompress and your significant other usually catches the brunt of this.  However, the key word here is sometimes.  You are no one’s punching bag, and if you love him then he should not become your sparring partner!

At the end of the day, if you are more enemies than lovers…reevaluate what you share. Discern how much willingness you have left to make it a more pleasant situation, and ask him the same.  The best of relationships cycle through turbulence, but don’t allow it to be your everyday.  (Someone who means well by you is willing to evaluate their communication with you and keep the respect levels high!)