Mommyhood 101: Nobody’s Perfect

1st time? Nervous? Overwhelmed? Scared to make a mistake? Remember, you may want to be perfect, but your baby does not expect perfection.  Your baby wants your best logical effort.  Do for your child within your means with lots and lots of love!  Keeping up with others will only leave you in debt and stressed. If you focus on love, creating memories, and your personal development… financial increase and a strong bond with your child will fall into place!

I believe in God, I urge you to stay positive and prayerful!

Poetry Corner: The Side Door

I love poetry!  I think it is an interesting form of expression. One stanza can be interpreted several ways and still not hit the targeted meaning.  I rarely share my work, but feel free to read….

The Side Door

After dark and the day is done

Texting and giggling

Clinching the phone, all in flirt zone

Smiling and thinking

Should I stay or should I go?

 

He said he needs me

Hmm I wonder, what for?

Friends for a long time

Always have a good time

It might be fun to go?

 

The lady in me is trying to stay

The adventurous me wants to go play

Not tied down

No strings attached anywhere

So I say, YOLO.

 

Riding alone to my soundtrack of the night

Pull up at the front door

Looking left and right

Text him that “I made it.”

Wait for the signal to go

To my surprise…

He advised me to enter the side door.

 

The side door?

Ok, how cute and private?

It cuts out the walk of shame

Once inside I try to hide

The nervousness that came

A cup to relax

Another to suppress my logic

Half a glass more

my friend wants more

 

We end the night

Just as flirty as the start

Bedroom glances

Transferred lip gloss

And I head for the door

 

I jump in the car

Wave from afar

So Chill, yet so unsettled

My perspective became clear

 

Historically, sistas hated these doors

Entryways of slaves and underlings

Openings for sneakin’ and creepin’

A door for a secret

A SIDE CHICK ENTRANCE

No relationship in the stars

No family meetings in the cards

No need to call Miss Cleo.

 

This thing was a secret and nothing more

I filled the empty seat

Drank from the second glass

I was company and nothing more

I said to myself:

Don’t mistake it for more

Remember you entered the side door

Friends Forever Only

Because anything more would include:

Sunshine and special treatment

An Introduction to Moms

And a proud escort through the front door.

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MOMMYHOOD 101: Lesson 1

Congratulations to all of my first-time moms and congratulations to the veteran mamas! I salute you.

This Mommyhood Tip is not about the baby, but simply for you. I know it seems like a rare occurence, but you are still important too!

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5 WAYS TO FEEL SPECIAL WITHOUT LEAVING THE BABY!

1.  ORDER IN! New babies require so much from us and we are often feeling exhausted and sorry for ourselves.  You may not have a babysitter or want to leave baby to have a special meal, but with Uber Eats, Grub Hub, and other food delivery services you can have your choice of local restaurant cuisine!

2.  HAVE A GIRLS’ NIGHT!  When baby is big enough to be around people this can be a fun way to catch up with friends, unwind, and get some help for an evening.  Great friends wouls love to meet your new blessing.

3.   SHOP ONLINE! If you are the type of girl that loves to shop, and miss it now that you are a mom….buy yourself something online.  There are countless retail vendors and apps available to calm your shopping itch. Some of my favorite sites are Etsy and Amazon. Some cool shopping apps are Wish and BooHoo.

4.  FIND A MOBILE HAIR STYLIST. Just because you are recouperating and breastfeeding around the clock, it does not mean you can’t have you hair done.  There are plenty of stylists that will come to your home for a small additional fee.  However, I would suggest getting a referral and/or reading reviews before you let a stranger in your home.

5.  ONLINE CLASSES OR “YOUTUBE UNIVERSITY.”  If you find your brain need stimulation beyond Sesame Street and have some energy left, learn something new.  YouTubers have a plethora of videos to teach anything from cooking to computer programming. I like to call it YouTube University.  If that is too informal, enroll in an accredited online university and study hard!

There you have it… 5 ways to hold on to some activities you may feel slipping away.

No Matter What: “Quo Vadis!”

I was thirteen, and anxious about the last year of middle school. I began the school year with some really great friends and an English teacher with a lot of spunk. She was a self-proclaimed 24 years old, but was definitely one of the “Golden Girls.” She challenged us to adopt a single phrase, “Quo Vadis.” I, with a twisted facial expression, wondered where the lecture was going. All sorts of questions entered my mind during this first day of class.woman-notebook-working-girl What type of school year are we in for? This lady was older than some of our grandparents, she was of Lebanese descent, and seemed to be slow moving. I did not see an angle where she could relate to us. However, she was about to provide a room full of black and brown children with a very profound idea. It has stuck with me over twenty years later.

She told us, “Quo Vadis means, ‘Where are you going?’” She charged our minds to think about the direction we wanted for our own lives, and to answer the call with “To Thine Own Self Be True.” She stressed and drilled into to our psyche that our strongest weapon in this life is to be true to ourselves. So, to my lil’ Sisters, I ask you to do the same. Regardless of your circumstances, configure your outlook on life in such a way that your possibilities are endless. Ladies, understand that when you say “Quo Vadis” the next step is to set a goal. Embrace the skills that you have been given and research to discover what roles in life best match your skill set.

When you shout “To Thine Own Self Be True,” believe in yourself and remain steadfast in your pursuit to success. One way to ensure that is by practicing realism. If it helps you comprehend a little more, “KEEP IT REAL!” If you cannot practice realism with yourself, you will walk around defrauding the entire world. Evaluate what you do best and where you lack strength. Avoid setting unrealistic goals because you are building a foundation that only failure can stand on. If you are terrified of animals, do not sign up to be a receptionist in a veterinarian’s office. Fears can be overcome surely, but that probably should not be your first option. Realism also holds you accountable for strengthening the weaknesses we have control over. When we fail to evaluate and correct ourselves, we hold our success back.

For example, I see many women young and old with dreams of own their own beauty salon. They output their creative styles on every head of hair within their reach. However, these entrepreneurial spirits never attend a business seminar, buy a “How-To Book,” or even attend cosmetology school. Only you can fulfill your dreams. No one is going to hand you anything. No matter what my sisters…SPEAK “Quo Vadis,” and ANSWER with “To thine own self be true.”

BYOB: Be Your Own Beautiful

Smile Laugh Black African American Color WomanJUST BYOB! Be your own beautiful! Here’s what I mean:

There were many days in my teenage years where I did not think my “pretty” equaled the next chick’s “pretty.”  Sure, my family instilled in me that I was beautiful.   I have always believed them, but there’s something that happens to teenage girls…DOUBT sets in.  Where does this doubt come from?  What changes the criteria?

A lot of the doubt starts to seep in at school when girls become “clique-ish, ” boys give certain girls attention, and the media dictate the hottest trends.  Well, when you let these things take over and remove what you know about yourself…BEAUTY…you open yourself up for a world of trouble.

1. FIND YOUR OWN CIRCLE.  Ladies, take a look inside yourself and pay attention to your peers.  Do you find common traits?  Do you like what they bring to the table?  Do you feel a friendship brewing or are you drawn to popularity or trend?  Baybeee…what’s hot today, won’t be tomorrow! Believe that!

2. YOUR WORTH IS NOT DETERMINED BY PEOPLE OR THINGS. Value yourself on the things that have “staying power.”  These types of things are those that will have an effect on you or those around you for years and years.  Are you kind to others?  Are you growing academically?  Are you happy inside?  Are you proud of yourself?  There are so many parts to you. So many places in your mind and heart that can be strengthened through the company of positive people, studying, and a healthy lifestyle!

3. DO NOT LET SOMEONE ELSE DETERMINE YOUR COOL.  Keep your values up my darlings, and your judgments low.  If you accept nothing but the best for your life, and move through it without judging your interests and coolness based on trend and pop culture.  You have won half the battle.

It can absolutely be fun to have friends you emulate, people to date, experiment with fashion, and follow some trends…  The moment you let them affect your mood or self-worth, you have lost sight of something important.  You create a path all of your own for the world to see and admire.  How can you effectively take credit for the journey, if you spent it trying to be like or with someone you believe MADE YOU SOMEBODY?

“If a man does not keep pace with his companions, perhaps it is because he hears a different drummer. Let him step to the music which he hears, however measured or far away.”

Henry David Thoreau